Ambones

ambones2 @ 2008-11-20T13:55:00

2008-11-21T00:22:22Z

Master has been spoiling me lately.

If you have read my journal then you know that I am on orgasm restriction. I am only allowed to cum when he says so. It has gotten to the point that I can't, unless I hear him say it. But like I said, if you have read me, then you know that.

For the past few days just about every time we are alone he is making me cum. Making me beg for it of course but none the less letting me orgasm.

One night all he did was play with me with his fingers. He had me climbing the walls before he let me finish. Another night he grabbed me and threw me on the bed and fucked me like there was no tomorrow. It happened so fast that my head was spinning and all I got out was "Master..." before he was telling me to cum for him.

Last night, *sighs happily*. Last night after I had stripped for him we started kissing and his hands were all over me. He had me lie down and starting from my lips, he worked his way down my body, biting, kissing and pinching until I was squirming and making noises for him. By the time he got all the way down me and was licking, sucking and playing with my clit, I was on fire. He made me cum with his fingers and mouth twice. I came so hard that I was holding me breath. All I kept hearing was "Good girl. Cum for me." When he couldn't stand it himself any longer, he stripped and climbed on top of me to finish himself off. When we were done, I cleaned him off with my mouth and all I could think about was thanking him. I couldn't put into words what I was feeling so, when he sat down I knelt and kissed his feet. When he got up to go to the bathroom I stayed on the floor kneeling and waited for him to come back. When he was standing in front of me I kissed his foot again. I worked my way up to his knee and back down again rubbing my face on him as I went. When he sat at his computer,he pointed to the floor for me to kneel in front of him and he held my head in his hands and kissed my face. He fed me chocolate and I was in heaven. I knelt beside him after he had turned to his monitor and he idly petted my hair and played with my nipples. *happy sighs*happy slave*

Normally, I really don't like to receive oral sex. I know, I know, I'm odd. I love love LOVE to give oral sex but I have issues (thanks to an ex of mine) when someone goes down on me, even with Master. Last night, was different for some reason. I don't know if it's because he had me so wound up when he did it or if I've finally reached the point with him that I am no longer self conscious when he's doing it. Or both. I think that maybe it has something to do with my head space through out the day too.

All I could do yesterday was think about serving him. Not because he demands it. Not because I get something out of it. But because everything I am, belongs to him. He is my world and I would be nothing with out him. I can honestly say that he is the only one that I have ever felt like this about. Not even the biological father of my children deserves the amount of respect that I hold for my Master. I serve him willingly and with my heart.

The need to serve him grows more everyday. I think I may have said that somewhere else in my blog early in our transition from vanilla to M/s but I think that early on, it's expected. I thought that after the year and a half since I have been collared that it would have leveled off by now but it hasn't. All I know is that whatever I have been feeling lately has helped me serve my Master to the best of my ability's.

I'm really not sure if that makes any sense but it's the best that I can do to put my feelings into words.

Besides Master get what Master wants and if that means that I have to "suffer" through him going down on me then so be it!

( I couldn't let this end too sappy now could I?)

ambones2 @ 2008-11-13T18:02:00

2008-11-14T03:21:50Z

I need to get out. WE need to get out. I am so tire of sitting in this house. The kids are driving me nuts,the dog, the neighbors, everything.

The past couple of weeks my cousin has been staying the night here. That in it self wouldn't be a problem but he tends to show up unannounced. On top of that, he does it when I am at work. When I get home from work I don't want to socialize. I want to sleep! Especially on Monday nights and WELL into the next day. When he's here I can't do that. Then, after he leaves I have to redo everything that he helped with. I appreciate that he wants to help clean and stuff when he is here but it is something that really bugs the shit out of me. I don't even like my mother cleaning my house. Everyone has their own way of doing things and none of them do it the way I do it! So, after he leaves I have to go through and put the dishes away where I put them, UNfold my clothes ( I hang all our shirts and someone else going through my clothes is a whole nother rant), put away random things that aren't where they are supposed to be, go through the kids room and put it back together, etc, etc, etc....... I love the fact that he wants to be a part of our lives. Not too many people in our family really talk to each other anymore. He just needs to pick a different day and stop trying to help!

Master and I had a little bit of a fight the other day. We don't fight often so when we do no matter how small the issue it's a big deal. It was on Tuesday and we were lying in bed and he told me that he was going to stay home and help me through the day because I was really really sore from work and my cousin was here. I made some snide remark and asked him "What? You gonna sit and stare at the computer all day?". He got mad and left for work anyway. All I could do was lie there and cry. I felt horrible as it was and now I was alone too.

See, Master's new addiction is Second Life. There is a RPG group on there that he belongs to and he really gets into it. I don't mind that he is on there. I'm not the jealous wife that can't stand her husband talking to other women, so, I don't mind that he does. As a matter of fact I like it when he makes new friends (RL or on line). What I guess I mind is that he is on there for hours at a time. I guess I was feeling ignored and I'm not used to that. I am fortunate enough to be one of the very few people in our group of friends that doesn't have a constant complaint about her husband being an asshole or something, for that I should be grateful for. And besides, what Master wants Master gets. Right?

Today I am fighting with the children, again. Over chores, again. It's the same fight everyday. I don't see why they don't get it yet. It's simple. When they come home from school they are to get a snack (not the full blown meal they always try to get), do their chores, do their homework, then they can play. Simple right? Wrong. Today after telling my oldest to do the dishes for 2 hours, he tells me that the hamster's cage was in his way and he couldn't do them. WTF? Is the cage so heavy that he couldn't move it out of his way? I don't think so! So, for being a lazy little shit he got himself grounded. Tonight and tomorrow.

I don't feel like playing anymore. Can someone else take over for awhile?

Like I said in the beginning of this. I really think we need to get out of the house.

ambones2 @ 2008-10-18T21:04:00

2008-10-19T04:52:58Z

I guess I should post, it has been 3 weeks.

Last night Master and I had a date night. His sister took the boys for us and we went out to dinner. We haven't had any time alone together since my mother threw her fit. We tried to go to a couple of the nicer restaurants but as it was a Friday night everywhere was pace so we ended up at Shari's. We actually had really good food there too. Our steaks were perfect and the service was great for a change. The waitress earned herself a 10$ tip for it too.

After that, we went to Toy's R US and got my youngest son his birthday presents. He's turning 8 on the 4th of next month. *sobs* Master of course had to buy himself a toy too. He picked up Megatron and when I looked at the price tag I cringed, but when he started pushing the buttons and it cackled evilly at me, I was sold. I mean really? How many giant robot toys do you know that have an evil cackle? He had to get it. We hit Target and then Castles. We didn't get any toys there but we did get a book called "Erotic Slavehood" by Christina Abernathy. Master read half of it last night and said that it was really good. Apparently it is two books in one. The first half is a manuel for Doms and the second is like a workbook for subs. I'll have to let you know how it is when I am done.

When we went to get the kids we sat and talked to Masters sister for a bit. I love her. She is a very funny person and she always makes us laugh. Master and her together in the same room is even more fun as they always have some funny conversations when they are together. She taught my oldest how to make bacon last night, so he made dinner for everyone there. My SIL said the he did really well. Maybe I have a little cook on my hands?

We got home about midnight, I got the kids in bed and of course striped for Master. After Master had browsed the interwebs for awhile and the dog had sufficiently made his (trying) healing ingrown toenail bleed again, I went and got him a pan to soak his foot in. I finished getting the house closed down for the night and knelt by my now flopped across the bed Master while he read the new book. I love kneeling for him while he pets me. I love just being near him. Kneeling for him and being quiet lets me reflect on the day and reminds me of my place at the same time. Also, being there naked and kneeling makes it so that I am ready for whatever he wants me to do for him.

All in all we had a really great night. Things are picking up again as far as our M/s relationship goes. We were just not all there for a awhile. I mean the basics were there and we went through our routines but I think we got stuck in a rut. I think that mostly has to do with everyday life happening too. My willingness to serve him no matter what is the only thing that kept me going and not just giving up on the whole thing. I honestly don't think I could ever go back to a totally vanilla lifestyle again anyhow.

Okay that's all for now I have to go gas up my truck so I can get to work tomorrow. Have a great weekend!

ambones2 @ 2008-09-24T20:11:00

2008-09-25T04:36:50Z

Not much to talk about lately. Life has been very vanilla. Work, soccer practices, games, bills....you know the everyday stuff.

We have been working on new backdrops for Master's web comic for a few days now. While we were working the other night my youngest son asked me a question, "Momma, is it romantic to write someones name with your pee in the snow?" Master and I stopped, looked at each other and about died laughing. All the while my son was standing there looking at us like "What?". Out of the mouths of babes.

Master surprised me with some anal sex last night. It had been awhile and it felt gooooood. We haven't really had any time alone to play the way we want to lately so some things have come to a grinding halt. The dynamic is still there. He wanted me to be a service slave for him more than anything when we started this anyways. And I LOVE serving my Master, in whatever form he wishes for me to do so. I cook and clean for him. I do his errands, make sure his bills are paid and I am not complaining at all about it. It's what I am here for. It's what he wants me to do. If I could, I would be at his feet all the time waiting for his next command. I belong to him.

Sometimes though, a good beating is all I crave. I try not to complain about it. I try not to even ask for it. He will do it if he wants to. I just can't seem to function sometimes with out one. It centers me, allows me to focus on whatever needs to be done and of course, reminds me of my place. I know it's been a long time, when something as simple as pulling my hair, sends me to subspace. Oh well, I'll get over it.

In August for my oldest birthday we went and had a camp out at a friends house. After we put all the kids in their tents we had our own "sleep over" with our friends in the house. I love watching Master have his way with another woman and I know he likes to watch me have my way with a women or even a man, but the point of this story is orgasm training. The male half of the other couple and I fucked for a very long time. He refused to get off until I did first (what a guy!). The problem was, was that I couldn't. I couldn't cum even though Master had said that I could before we had gotten there. Master now has me trained to orgasm when he tells me to. I have to hear his voice. I can't just do it anymore, even with prior permission. That, is going to be a big pain in the ass when we go to play at separate houses! I didn't think that it would ever work when he started my orgasm training. I guess I was wrong!

When Master realized what was happening he leaned over and whispered in my ear "Cum for me baby." That's all it took, I came so hard that I pushed the guy out of me. In the back ground I could hear his wife saying "Holy crap!" or something like that. All I know is that I was a very happy girl!

That's all I have for now. *KISSES!*

ambones2 @ 2008-09-11T15:23:00

2008-09-11T22:46:27Z

Master,
I sit and I wait for you to come home.
Nothing seems as important as it should.
The need for you, never subsides.
The day drags by when you are not here.
I need to be at your feet.
I need to kneel for you.
I am not happy, unless I am serving you.
I belong to you.
I live for you.
I am your slave.

Lately , the need to be a full time, at home slave to my Master has been getting worse. So much so that I ache inside. Who knew that this is where I would be in my life 5 years ago? I fought so long and so hard to get away from my ex. To be independent.

Now, all I crave, is to kiss my Master's feet when he comes home. To be ready when he wishes to use me, and to serve him to the best of my ability. I try to be a good pet. Sometimes, it's not so easy. I know I'm not perfect but I do try. I can be a brat sometimes. Okay, I can be a brat a lot.

I had to do lines the other day because I yelled at him(he got caught in the cross fire of me already mad at the kids). I had to write "I will not disobey my Master." 200 times. Lines suck. Making Master unhappy, sucks even more.

I think right now a lot of my problem is that there hasn't been any "us" time. Either I'm at work for 32 hours at a time or he's working 10's all week and is exhausted by the time he gets home. I think we need a vacation together, soon. I know that's not all of it though. I have been wanting to stay home for a long time. The longer I am his slave, the more I want nothing but.

I know that it's impossible to live naked and chained all the time right now. We have kids, but I'm pretty sure that it's something Master and I both want, in the future. For now, all we can do is wait.

ambones2 @ 2008-09-04T13:52:00

2008-09-04T20:56:44Z

I don't have much to say today. I am sad. I made Master mad last night. He told me that I am to be punished but not at that moment. I don't know when or how and I don't like it much. Maybe this is part of it. Sitting and thinking about what I did and whats to come. I know it's not going to be pretty whatever it is. I am going to go back to sulking now, even though I'm not supposed to. I can't help it. I'm sorry Master.

ambones2 @ 2008-08-28T12:21:00

2008-08-28T21:52:11Z

Well, my mother has gone bat shit insane. But, we all knew she was. The latest news on her is that she canceled my e-mail account. You know, the one attached to all of my on-line accounts.

Work won't budge on the schedule situation so I have to find other work. Oh well, life goes on. I'll find another job, eventually.

I have had enough stress to last a life time and I am tired of it. I just want it to stop.

Lately, all I want to do is curl up at Masters feet. Everything just seems a whole lot better when I am pleasing him. Weather it be him using me as a foot stool, using me sexually or just plain serving him dinner, everything is better in my world as long as he is happy. I have taken to sleeping with my head near his hip, that way he can pet me and if he feels the need, all he has to do is turn a little and he is in my mouth. I have found that I am beginning to really like it when he fucks my mouth. There are a lot of things that I am beginning to like that I didn't think I would. But then, wanting what my Master wants is what it's about isn't it?

School starts soon. WOOT! I can't wait! What the hell is up with the supply lists though? When did 5th graders start using highlighters and sticky notes? Red pens? Are they doing their own corrections now? If so, why do we have the teachers? Computer paper? I had better be seeing work on the computer coming home. Now, we have to supply whiteboard markers too. Does the school supply anything? Is the school really that broke? What ever happened to a notebook for each class and some pencils? My youngest's list wants watercolor paints. I have given them paints every year since my oldest has been in that school. I have gotten back MAYBE 4 things that used watercolors. I was just looking at the middle schools list where my oldest will be next year and it doesn't get any better.

It's a good thing places like Target and Wal Mart have a huge sale on supplies every year. I think I may have enough to get them both through school until 2010! I mean really, who can resist stocking up an 22 cent packs of erasers and glue sticks? I have enough paper to stock a few kids twice over this year. Packs of 5 notebooks and reams of filler paper for 50 cents will do that. Crayons are also 22 cents and markers are about 80 cents each and that's for Crayola! What I want to know is why are everyday things so cheap when it's time to go back to school but when you have to restock (if you already haven't) your kids stuff in the middle of the year it cost 4 times as much? One may never know.......

Both of my boys are in soccer this year. I like seeing them proud of themselves for doing something that they love. This is my oldest's 2nd year and he has grown so much that most of his team is half his size! Last years cleats are 4 1/2 boys. This years are 7 MEN'S! WTF!?!? My 9 year olds feet are as big as mine! He's going to be a monster! My youngest is still tiny but is finally hitting a growth spurt and has gained a couple of inches over the summer. He fits into his brother's soccer uniform from last year perfectly. I think he's going to be a bean pole when he's older.

My oldest's birthday is on Sunday. He is going to be 10. *sob* I have to work that day (amazingly) but we are going to go to a friends house about an hour away this Friday and have a back yard camp out. We are going to have campfire pizza. NUMMY! Then of course the regular campout foods and marshmallows. His cake is going to be vanilla with chocolate filling and butter cream frosting. My friend makes cakes as a way to make extra money and is REALLY good at it. She made my wedding cake and did an amazing job. I heart her!
That's about it for now. My house is being invaded by the neighbor kids right now so I am going to sign off for now. Have a great day!

ambones2 @ 2008-08-20T18:24:00

2008-08-21T01:29:46Z

I heard a rumor on Sunday that they (the people in charge) were going to make everyone change their schedules at work. Also they are going to take the 50 cent bonus that we are supposed to get for being there on time everyday and what not.

As it was just hearsay at this point, I let it go.

On Monday I go and ask the person that does the scheduling weather or not it was true. Unfortunatly, it is.

The 50 cents is supposed to be replaced with a raise for everyone. Okay, thats fine.

The new schedule changes for anyone not already on that schedule begins on the 1st.

That means that I have 2 choices. Either switch to the 4 on 2 off rotating or go on call. Everyone at work knows that I can not do the 4 on 2 off. When I first got there it was the 2 doubles or I can GUARANTEE you that I will call in a whole lot more than I do. Aside from the fact that I don't have 1,200$ a month to pay for daycare.

I mean, I can do their schedule during the school year as long as it is a day shift but what do they want me to do with the boys during all their holiday vacations and when they get sick? And summer, there is no way that I can do 4 on 2 off. Master has to be to at work by 11 AM in order to get 8 hours, my shift wouldn't end till 2 PM. My children are too young to stay by them selves for 3 to 4 hours.

So, I go on call. But because of that, I lose ALL of my benifits. All of my vacation pay, all of my medical, all of my sick pay,disability, EVERYTHING. It also means that my children have no insurance. We were going to put them on mine because Master's is 400$ a month to add just them. Not to mention that going on call means that I may not get ANY work for days or weeks at a time. So there is the threat of no paycheck too.

I went and talked to my DNS and told her that I have to leave there as soon as I found something else. All she could say was that she understood and that she was sorry.

I have been there forever. In 2 months it will be 4 years. I have been on the 2 doubles the whole time. Do they think that I do them for fun? I hate it, but I do it so I can be home for the boys and still provide something for the family.

Some of you know that I was going to leave eventually anyway because of my back. But I was not going to leave them hanging when they have so many problems with keeping people anyway. Now, I am just being fucked over.

There are about 6 people that have different scheduals than the 4 on 2 off. I am going to go the payday meeting on Friday just so I can see who walks out.

I am beyond pissed. I am hurt and there is nothing that I can do about it. I have to find another job.

On top of that, the cramps that I thought were long gone, had me curled up in bed crying this morning. Now I won't have the insurance to get the hysterectomy that I need so I can be "normal" again.

Oh well I guess if it's not on thing it's another.

The third child in my life........

2008-08-14T03:10:02Z

Is my mother.

When Master's car broke down we asked her if we could use her Westbay account if the problem turned out to be the fuel pump. We told her that we just wanted to know now so that if it was the pump we could get the part ASAP instead of having to wait to get it and that we would pay it off on pay day. Okay, no problem.

Mom picks up the kids Monday morning because Master didn't know how he's going to be getting home from the shop and didn't want to get the boys stuck walking with him home. Or sitting forever in a boring shop. She keeps them for the night because he didn't get the car back and I didn't get home till almost 11pm from work.

Anyways Tuesday rolls around and my mother is calling my cell. Cuz, she thought I would be out, on a Tuesday? *disgust* I don't think so! After I tell her that no, the mechanic has not called me yet and that he said he would when he found the problem or fixed it if it was cheap enough. She says okay and we hang up. I crawl back into bed and get comfy only to have to get back up to answer the house phone 5 minutes later! She says that she has called the shop and that it's..... at that point I cut her off and told her to butt out of my business. She then tells me to fuck off and hangs up on me. I call back and tell the machine that I will be there to get my kids in a few minutes.

Now, her calling the shop would normaly not be a big deal but she seems to think that EVERYTHING in my life is her business. I was told once by a friend that she had called my cousin (my friend and cousin were on a rollerskating team together) and asked her about my lifestyle! WTF!?!?

My children and I get home and they proceed to tell me that she had called someone, was bitching about me, calling me "bad word names" , saying that it WAS her business because we were using her account and blah blah blah...... First of all we did not use her account. I only asked as a precaution so I knew that we could get the expensive part if we needed it. Second of all it isn't her car and third of all I don't need my mommy to hold my hand and do everything for me! And for fucks sake don't do that shit in front of MY children!

Sunday I call and leave a message asking if she was still taking the boys so that Master can go to work Monday and to call me back. Instead of calling me or Master she calls the house and asks for the boys. My oldest told us that all she asked was if they wanted to go there. She didn't talk to Master about weather or not she was going to get them or if he needed to bring them there, nothing. I called her back and left another message that tells her that she needed to talk to either Wang or I when it comes to the boys, not just them. Asking them means nothing because they are children and don't always get the details right.

Master came to see me at work. While he was there she called his cell, said that she wouldn't be home for a couple of hours and to call before he brought them out to her place. Then hung up on him. He decided that if she was going to be that way, he would work 10's for the week and keep them home.

I left her an e-mail today, this is what it said "I told you to butt out of my business not my life Ma. You gonna get over it and talk to me again or is this going to be like my brother?" No response as of yet.

For thoughs that don't know, I have a brother that refuses to talk to me because I don't put up with his shit either. They are a lot alike my brother and mother.

Just a little bit ago, she calls me. She asks for my address and after I tell her she hangs up on me. I call her back and ask her why she needed it and all she said was that it has nothing to do with me and hangs up again. So I call back again and say that it is MY address and it has EVERYTHING to do with me. She tells me that I am not the only one who lives here and hangs up again. So I called back, yet again, knowing that I was going to get the answering machine and say two words. GROW UP.

I am done. I have tried for YEARS to have a decent relationship with her. The only time she was happy with me is when I was married to the ex and would call her crying. Then she would call me and complain about her husband. Or when I was living with her and had to follow her rules. Now that I am happy and on my own, suddenly she's pissed off at me all the time. She HATES the fact that I'm happy and she's not. Can't stand the fact that Master wasn't her pick. And that I can do things on my own now! OMG, I grew up! Quite a few years ago in fact! Now, I just don't put up with her shit anymore.

So yeah, I'm having fun dealing with a third child in my life. It's SO much fun!

One hell of a week.....

2008-08-09T05:57:49Z

So, last Friday night Master's car decided that it was going to have what we thought were fuel issues. You know the way a car acts when it's running out of gas? It was doing that only it had an almost full tank. Fun. So monday morning I have mother pick up my kids from my house so Master can take his car in and not have to worry about them getting bored at an auto shop for who know's how long. It's a good thing he has a flexable schedule and can just work 10's for the week to get in his time. Unfortunatly they shop can't get to it that day so they'll give us a call Tuesday. Okay no problem.

Well, after I take Master to work Tuesday morning I crawl back into bed cuz, well, it's Tuesday. My day off. I wake up to my cell and it's my mom. She's asking about the car. I tell her that they are supposed to call us when they figure it out. We hang up and 5 minutes later the house phone rings. It's my mother again. She called my mechanic herslef. I tell her that she needs to butt out of my bussiness and life cuz basicly I don't need my mommy to do everything for me. She tells me to fuck off and hangs up on me. So now I'm pissed, she's pissed and she has my kids. Wonderful. So I call her back and of course she doesn't answer, I leave a message and tell he to have the kids ready and I'm on my way. It wouldn't have been a big deal except for the fact that she does this with everything. And I'm tired of it.

A little later I was talking to the mechanic again and he tells me that it's not the fuel pump or anything like that. It's a relitively cheap sensor and that the part is on it's way but may not be her till Wednesday. Okay good, we can pick it up on the way home from me picking up Master from work. Wednesday afternoon rolls around and I talk to the mechanic again and he talls me that yes the part cam in but it was the wrong kind and had to be sent back. It won't be in till Thursday because it's coming from Seattle. The reason that it was the wrong part was because Master's car is a 2003 in BODY ONLY! He has a mostly 2004 engine. WTF!? Okay not his fault but still irritating.

I get a call Thursday afternoon and he tells me that the car is ready. I tell him that we'll be there in the morning with a check. We get there pay for it and Master and I head our seperate ways for the day. I get a call half way home and he's very happy to have his car back. I stop at the store and head home. For some reason I called him back and when he answered I get a "HI!" "FUCK! I have to pull over!" He tells me that the check engin light is back on. I hang up and call the shop and he tells me to have him bring it back in if he can. Fortunatly he makes it. Me on the other hand have to load back up my kid and pick up Master at the shop we just left and take him to work. Fuck fuck fuck and more fuck! When I get to the shop Master tells me that it's the sam code as last time and that the mechanic is going to take care of it and not to worry. A few hours later Master calls and tells me that it's done and we can pick it up on the way home. He was told that it was another sensor that wasn't synching up with the other one. Cool, it runs great on the way home.

Also on Thursday my youngest son can't seem to stop itching his head. So I check him and lo and behold he has lice. Again. He had it in May right before school let out for the summer. This shit sucks major goat ass. This time, as I am combing through his hair after the treatment, his hair just keeps breaking. We have been growing it out for the past few months so it's pretty long. The problem is, is that there is just no way his thin fine hair is going to survive and still look ok this time. So, we decided to shave it. He and I are both a little sad, but I tell him that by cutting it now it'll come in thicker and healthier. He was okay with that.

My problem is that I KNOW I took care of it the last time we went through this in May. I cleaned the whole house for 2 days! I KNOW I got it all because Master and I didn't get it and neither did my oldest. So, what I want to know is, who the fuck isn't cleaning their kids heads and why?!? I'm about to put up fliers around the neighborhood so I can weed tham out and make them come deal with it for me. I'm tired of it! Unfortunatly for us lice love my youngests hair. He has thin, fine, blond hair and it's clean! Perfect for lice to start their little blood sucking familys in.

So between the car, the lice and my mother bing a bitch we have now missed 2 b-day party's, possibly a 3rd and a welcome home party. Most of it is because my mother won't talk to me and so I can't ask her to watch the boys. We would get a sitter but because of the car we can't afford to pay anyone right now. Because of the lice, we are also afraid to go anywhere just in case we missed something and spread it even though Master and I both came up clean and you can now see our kids scalps. They way this week has gone, I wouldn't doubt that it would happen.

There have been a couple of bright spots though. Tuesday, Master decided that he was going to use me just for his pleasure. Fucked me good and hard from behind. I was not alowed to get off but I slept like a baby anyway. Wednesday he tried out a new way to bind my arms together. After a few tries he got it right and proceded to fuck my face. I love the taste of my Master. I would have him in my mouth all day if I could. After I made him cum, he proceeded to turn me into butter. Still with my arms bound together he laid me on my side and half sat, laid behind me. He had me so keyed up just by touching me and whispering in my ear that I was pretty damn close to cumming on command with out any other help. I was so close. I have gotten pretty good at not cumming untill told to but thats usually when he's playing with me or fucking me. Again, I was so close. I think he took pitty on me though cuz he began to play with me till I was almost in tears holding it in. When he told me to cum I exploded. Master had to tell me to shush because all the windows were open and I can get quite loud. That, just made me cum harder. When he was done playing with me he left me ther in a heap still tied and used me as a leg rest. The next thing I know I'm being told to face him on my knees and fuck him. But that didn't work so well because we were both just too tired. I ended up with him in my mouth again. MMMmmmmm.......

It's Friday night now and I'm about to put the kids to bed. Master and I are going to take a shower together. I guess we'll see what happens after that! Night!

ambones2 @ 2008-07-30T13:45:00

2008-07-30T22:08:17Z

It's been about a week since my last post, I've been trying to get the house back in order. We had so much stuff left over from the wedding that it took over the house. Not to mention the tons of gifts that I am still trying to find room for. Thanx everyone! :) I have been able to put some stuff in boxes to put in the shed. I am not sure if I should save it or just give it to good will. It is mostly kitchen stuff. It's all still useable, I just now have matching stuff! YAY!

We have been talking about repainting the kitchen to match our new stuff. I know that we are going to be tearing down and rebuilding but it's not going to be for a few years so I guess we might as well have it look decent.

I have been trying also to get back to serving my Master properly. But something seems out of place. Missing you could say. I have already talked to Master about it and he says that it's my self confidence. I don't know if that's it or not but I can't shake the feeling that something is not as it should be.

I don't know. Maybe, I just want more. More time at his feet. More time under his belt. More time serving him and being used. And every time I feel like this I get mad at myself because Master IS using me the way he wants to. Shouldn't that be enough? Then, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because it's not my place to ask for more. He will give to me what I need as he sees fit and I should be grateful for it. I am, don't get me wrong! I am greatful for everyday that he is my Master and now, my husband as well. Maybe I'm just being too needy. Maybe I'm just too hard on myself. Maybe I just expect too much from myself. I have never been one to know the meaning of the word relax. I don't know, I'll figure it out eventually.

Then there is work. I don't want to do it anymore. But if I don't work we won't be able to pay the bills and eat too. Maybe I could find something to do at home to make money. Anyone have any ideas?

Then I realize that I would go stark raving mad if I had to stay home 24/7 with the boys. They are at a stage now that all they do is fight. Fight with each other, fight with their friends, fight with us. I don't mean that they beat each other up (though they do that too), I mean that everything that they do they end up screaming at each other. I could chalk it up to sibling rivalry but it never stops! Everyone keeps giving me advise but nothing is working. I just want to tie them up and throw them in a closet just to shut them up!

I'm going to stop whining now.

ambones2 @ 2008-07-21T23:41:00

2008-07-22T07:20:34Z

It's finally done! Master and I are married and we couldn't be happier! Everything went great with very few hicups. I could have done with out Master's step mother constantly hugging me (quit touching me!!!) and his father getting me with the squirt gun(hair spray,gel and water BAD!). My mother got mad at me cuz I told her to stop being rude but oh well.

We have TONS of pictures and tons of left over favors. We need to weed out the pictures and do something to do with the favors. Then I need to find places for all of our gifts. YAY for new kitchen stuff! I have no idea what to do with my bouquet. Maybe I should buy a big tupperware and stick everything in the shed.

My Dad flew out here from Maryland to walk me down the isle. I think that out of everything that we got or everything that everyone else did, that ment the most to us. He didn't get to do it the first time. I think it made him happy. I know my step mother was. I know I am.

Master's parents paid for one night at a hotel for us and we got enough cash from people that we had enough for another night. It was so nice not to have to worry about anything except what to eat! The first night we got there we opened the basket that Master's sister made for us. There was stuff to eat (candy,crackers,cookies, cheese and salami) and stuff to drink. We had a snack and died.

We went and saw Dark Knight with some friends the next day and then went to and italian resturant for dinner afterward. When we got back to the hotel I gave Master a sugar scrub foot rub and a back massage with one of thoes hand held massagers with coconut body wash. I don't think he's had a "proper" bath in ages.

We got home today around noon. Masters sister had our boys. Her and her hubby took them to Wild Waves on Sunday. They had a blast! I guess they went on every single ride that they could. My youngest was only told that he couldn't go on one ride due to his size. He was thrilled! He's never been able to go on very many rides. I am glad that they had fun.

So I am going to leave you with a picture and go serve my Master before we go to bed for the night. Sweet dreams!

ambones2 @ 2008-07-15T20:07:00

2008-07-16T04:03:17Z

I haven't written a word for about a week or so. I'm sure I'll get in trouble for it later.

I'm tired and sad and I want this week to be over with. Apparently I have pissed some people off and no one has bothered to tell me to my face, I don't even know what I did. The person who told me about it is going to have them call me, or something. She told me that no one wanted to make me upset before my wedding. Whatever, I would rather know now than later.

Also I was told that no one wants my youngest at their house because he is out of control. Um.....why didn't anyone tell me this!? If I don't see something then I can't do anything about it. I don't expect anyone to parent my kids for me but if they are doing something wrong and I'm not there to see it then I need to be told so I can. But at least now I know why people haven't been calling us to go do things like they used to.

I fucked up my foot at work and now I don't know if I am going to be able to wear my shoes that I bought for the ceramony. I can walk on it with little to no pain but my whole foot is swollen. The brusing I have is going away rather quickly because of the anti bruise ointment that I have but the swelling is getting worse. I know I didn't break it because I wouldn't be able to walk at all without pain. I don't really think it's sprained either. Only one side of my ankle is swollen. It's weird. I don't even really have a limp.

The first two were taken last night. The other two are from today.

See the difference? It looks like my left foot has no bones anymore,except my toes. Oh well. If it's not any better then I will go and have it looked at. Untill then I'm glad my dress is to my ankles.

So now I am going to go put my foot up and sleep. Hope you all have a good night.

ambones2 @ 2008-07-09T00:32:00

2008-07-09T07:47:50Z

10 more days.

Dress is made. Just need to get fitted.

Vows are written.

Bouquets are made.

Boutonnieres are made.

Shoes for me have been bought.

Food is being bought.

Got to get tables from work.

Need to get outfits for boys.

Need to get shoes for Master.

Need to get license.

Need to hang the next person that asks me something and then tells me that it can't be done that way.

ambones2 @ 2008-07-05T23:41:00

2008-07-06T07:42:23Z

Master and I went to Oregon to see some friends for the 4th. We took the kids with us and had our first ever family trip. We went a day early because we didn't want to hit the holiday traffic and be pissy when we got there. We got there much, much later than we had planned due to some miscomunication with our dog sitters but the drive went very well once we got going.

We woke up about 10 am or so the next morning and started to get ready for the bazzilion people that were going to show up and messed with the little teenaged emo twin boys that belong to our friends. Through out the day we picked on them and they picked on our kids. I think our youngest only stopped running long enough to pee and sleep the whole 2 days we were there. I think we only saw our oldest 3 times the whole day of the 4th. Once to eat, once to make sure he was alive and once to make him shower and go to bed. They were both surprisingly very well behaved. They had a blast.

Master and I on the other hand were not so very well behaved. At one point after some of our other friends had gotten there he had to take them to the store for an air mattress and some other stuff. While he was gone I texted him and told him that I wanted to sneek off and do naughty things with him. When he got back, we found out chance and we took it. While everyone was outside lighting off things that go boom or upstairs playing Guitar Hero we snuck into an empy bathroom. With the lights out I went down on him ,got him up and then he took me from behind on the counter. I was so keyed up that it didn't take me long to beg for release( as quietly as I could of course). Do you know how hard it is to be that quiet? I had to hold my breath so I wouldn't yell like I normally do. And even tho it was a quicky, it was really fucking good sex. The thought of getting cought was a thrill for both of us, I think, you'll have to ask Master if you want his thoughts on the matter. Then, of course, just as we are getting cleaned up someone knocks on the door. Thankfully there is another bathroom in the house and they went to it.

I don't think that I have eaten as much as I did there, in a long time. There was so much food that there was left overs in the morning. We had brawts, hamburgers, chicken, fruit, veggies, cake, cookies, soda, salmon, roast, kabobs, everything! I ate all day long! There was also just about every kind of alcahol you can get. I had a few shots and a bitch beer but behaved myself for the most part. Pet Ambones alcahol = sex. My clothes dissapear and so does all of my retraint. Everyone who knows me knows that. And as there were a ton of people there that I didn't know, I didn't want to scare them off. It wasn't THAT kind of party anyway. We were bad enough anyway sneaking off to the bathroom and I didn't want to push it.

We got up about 10 am again today and our friends that stayed the night there with us left for home. We laid around for a couple of more hours and watched a movie. Well, I napped on Maters lap while they watched the movie. We left there about 1:30 pm and went in serch of a shoe store. I was still looking for shoes for the wedding and couldn't find any here in WA so we tried there, with no luck. We did find a Carl's Jr. though and that made Master very very happy. We only have one near us and it's an hour drive to get to it from where we are at. It's his favorite.

We did stop again in Centralia at the outlet stores and I did find a pair of nice sandle/dress shoes that I like. They are a bit darker than my dress. So, I am not sure they will match very well but who's going to look at my feet anyway? I am half tempted to either go bare foot or wear my calf high, red, Doc Marten boots that match almost perfectly. I almost want to just to see how many people really do look at the brides feet!

We got home about 8:30 pm, unloaded the car, let the boys play a bit, greeted our poor neglected puppys (yeah right) went to the store to get some pizza and now it's 12:30 am and I am beat. It was a good mini vacation. I think I'm going to go to bed now. Have a good one and please excuse my spelling errors. I hate editing when I'm tired!

ambones2 @ 2008-06-28T01:41:00

2008-06-28T09:21:21Z

21 more day to go until I can STOP thinking all girly! I mean, planning our wedding, has brought the girl out in me so much so that whenever we go to look at wedding stuff Master makes fun of me.

I am not a girly girl. Not that there is anything wrong with being one. I just am not. I don't wear dresses on a regular basis. I don't wear any makeup. I don't do my hair and if you try to give me anything pink, I might just puke on you. But ever since we decided to do the wedding stuff our selves, the girl in me has come out. One of the first thoughts I had when we set our date was, "How am I going to do my hair and make up!?" GAH! GAG! I even agreed to get a manicure and a pedicure! *Faints*

Anyway! Everything is coming together slowly. We have most everything that we need. We just have to put it together. You know, all those little table toppers, guest treat bags and what not. I began making my bouquet tonight and almost have that done. It doesn't look too bad I guess, Master said that he likes it and that's all that counts in my book. I will start on my MOH's probably Tuesday. I cheated and bought a premade one to toss. :)

I have no idea how my dress is going. I have only had one fitting. I do trust her tho. She did after all, make her daughters dress the night before her wedding and it fit perfectly.

The biggest thing really left to get is the food (which we started to get and put in the deep freezer), drinks and the tables and chairs. We also have to get our sons outfit's but I don't want to do that till the last minute anyway cuz I know if I get them now they will grow out of them just to spite me.

We are going to go and get Master's ring tomorrow. We were going to use the one he's been wearing but the one I had that matched it, broke. But then I found the one my mother gave me years ago and I never wore in my closet. It's black hills gold with Master's birthstone! Perfect! So now, we are going to go and try to find one that comes close to matching mine only with my birthstone if possible.

So now it's 2:15 am and I have to get some sleep. Have a good day everyone and sorry my life has become so vanilla lately! I'm sure (hoping) things get back to normal as soon as the wedding is over.

ambones2 @ 2008-06-26T21:04:00

2008-06-27T04:14:08Z

I need to post but my head is clogged up and I can't think straight. I swear if I'm getting whatever it is that Master has I'm gonna.........not finish that sentence.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

4am
Master has been sick and last night just as I laid down to sleep he starts blowing his nose, for a very very long time. He gets up and says that he feels a hell of a lot better than he has all week and gets on his computer. So I gave up and got out of bed and tried to get on my computer. I did get it turned on and I did set up my windows but Master had decided that he was going to look at porn. Yup, you got it, I didn't get on my computer. I was already on my knees so he took advantage of it and I got a mouth full while he flipped thru pages and pages of nakedness on line. Then I sent him off to work with a grin and crawled back into bed.

But I have kids so that didn't happen for very long either.

Oh well at least Master allowed me to use my plug today. Maybe sleep will find me tonight. And that is all I'm gonna say tonight.

ambones2 @ 2008-06-23T23:14:00

2008-06-24T06:17:32Z

Not in the mood to post much. I was in the hospital Saturday night/ Sunday morning. It's just my back...again. I wasn't sure what to say to the RN when he went to give me my shot that burned like hell and asked why I had brusies in my ass. I thought they were down lower. Oh well. Going back to bed now.

ambones2 @ 2008-06-18T22:56:00

2008-06-19T07:04:18Z

So, I have been staring at the screen and can't come up with one topic to write about tonight. I guess that means that I'll have to pick more than one. It seems like all I do lately is complain on here. But oh well. If you don't want to read it, you don't have to.

I went and returned the cake topper that Master didn't like today and got an archway instead. It'll be good for pictures and it gives a place to walk to for our vows. After that the boys and I went to the dollar store and I found some BBQ tools and some other little things for the wedding. Of course the boys were bugging me the whole time about getting stuff and I think that if I hadn't been watching them the whole store would have ended up in the cart.

We came home and I tried to get our room in order but because of all the bags of wedding stuff there was no way it was getting done. I had to call Master and ask if he'd stop and get some boxes on his way home. Things look much better now. Or they will when I get done.

Master surprised me last night with a spanking and nipple clamps. I love my nipples and breasts tortured, so I was drooling after a few minutes of the clamps. We haven't been able to use them till now cuz I got my nipples pierced and had to wait till the healed. It's been awhile since I have had a good hard spanking so it actually made me squirm and apparently yell cuz I ended up with the ball gag firmly in place. When he was done beating me I was flipped over and thoroughly fucked. I didn't get to get off, as I couldn't ask for it and I wasn't sure if Master intended for me to so I didn't. And even though I didn't, I slept like a baby, completely happy.

The boys are going to Ocean Shores this weekend with one of my aunts and a bunch of my cousin's. Master and I have to stay home due to him having to have oral surgery. It sucks that our time alone will be with him in pain but at least it's time alone and our kids will get to be with family that they don't get to see very much. They will have fun.

I got conformation that my Dad and step Mom will be here for our wedding. So it looks like my Daddy will get to give his little girl away after all. My step Mom was the one who insisted that I get a dress (this time) and that's how our "small ceremony" turned into 100 people being invited. I guess they wanted me to do it right this time, and NOT 8 months pregnant.

Anyways that's all I have for now.

ambones2 @ 2008-06-14T22:01:00

2008-06-15T05:59:58Z

Well, we have been shopping for two days now and we are no where near done buying stuff for our wedding. We have mostly table topper stuff and trinkets. I found toasting glasses for us and our MOH and best Man. We got a really nice leather bound guest book, table cloths and things like that. But buying enough plates, napkins,silverware,cups and stuff like that is almost impossible to get cheap for 100 people or more with out going, well, cheap. I can't find decent plastic plates that come in a package any bigger than 25-30 and doesn't cost 10$ for just that. Cups aren't so bad, silverware either as far as finding them in bulk but I don't want to go to different places and have everything miss matched. I know, anal right? I think I'm going to have to try Costco or something like that.

I found some really nice costume jewelry for myself and my flower girl. Possibly my MOH too. The only problem is that my "something old" is gold and I couldn't find anything gold that wasn't gaudy. Unless of course I went and spent a fortune at a real jewelry store. So, now I have to change my something old to match everything else. Or maybe not. I'm getting kind of tired of everyone else telling me that it has to be done a certain way. But I kinda don't want to bitch too much cuz Master and I really aren't paying for much.

I got some simple chains for my boys to wear instead of carrying the traditional pillow for the ring bearers. They will each wear one of our rings on the chain when hey walk down the isle. After which the MOH and Best man will take them until the end of our vows. After Master and I say our vows we will bring the boys back up and they will have their own vows to say to us as well as us to them. We will then give them back their chains and Master will place a silver band of their own on them. So, in a sense they will be marring us too. The rings won't fit them but the symbolism is there and I know that at least my oldest will appreciate it.

I also went and had my first fitting for my dress. The person doing it for me put together a sample dress to see what size I am so that she didn't have to cut the real material and fuck it up. The top fit great. It was a little big in the bust but that's no big deal. The part that almost made me cry was the skirt. She made it in a size 8 and it was too small, according to the pattern I'm a 16. *sob* Apparently the pattern is measured in European sizes, so I guess their 16 is our 8 and that made me feel a little better. I KNOW I am not a 16 in our sizes here.

I guess we do have a lot of stuff out of the way. It just doesn't seem like it. A lot of the stuff we need we have to wait to get till the last minute. Like the food. I think that's the biggest expense we have. But we can't get platters of stuff and have it keep for a month.

We also got our youngest son's ear pierced. He finally gave in and got it done. He got his birthstone and when he found out he got two he was really happy for some reason. My oldest on the other hand just had to argue with me about it cuz he only got one. I kept telling him that that is because his birthstone is a really funky color and he chose the silver ball, which only came as a single. So we had to get him another earring. He got his first hoop. I'm not sure he's ready for a hoop but I guess we'll see. He has lost countless studs and in my experience hoops got lost easier.

Anyway I am really tired we were out all day. I am going to go to bed now.

I want a do over!

2008-06-12T02:30:59Z

I am not liking the past couple of weeks at all! Between putting my dog to sleep and being sick I thought that nothing else could go wrong. Well, I was wrong.

I was supposed to go to my bone cracker yesterday but I could not get out of bed I hurt so much. I couldn't even get up to make coffee and breakfast for Master because of it. It's a good thing that I didn't go tho because I just got a letter in the mail from L&I that says that my case is closed because they think that I am all better. WTF ever. I'm just going to put it on my insurance from now on. I am tired of dealing with the health department anyhow.

So, today I was going to go (before I got the mail) to the bone cracker and grocery shopping and all the necessary household stuff. Nope, couldn't do that either. As I was thinking about getting in the shower and getting ready to go when the boys got home I got a call from their school. My youngest has lice. FUCK!!!!! I have them check my oldest and several other kids that they play with regularly and they are all clean. The only thing that I can think of is that it's one of the kids that showed up with a shaved head that had long hair a few days ago and his parents didn't bother to tell anyone. Fuckers. So now my house has been turned upside down so we don't get re-infested.

I just dropped almost 1,000 dollars into my account today and can't touch hardly any of it. On top of that, I just realized that I forgot to put my half of the mortgage in Masters account. Now we have to wait yet another day to get that in the mail.

I have a headache that won't go away. My kids are obnoxious. I'm tired, and I can't play any of our new PC games because my stupid processor is .2 too slow for them! GAH! I think I'm going to go and crawl under Master's chair and hide for a few.

ambones2 @ 2008-06-07T20:20:00

2008-06-08T05:12:21Z

So, I have been sick for a week now. There was something nasty going around work and I got it. For the past couple of days tho I have been dizzy, hot (like hot flash hot) ,nauseated and have had a nasty headache. Today I was pushing my hair out of my face or something like that and felt a bruise on my forehead. Now, I remember hitting my head on something but not when or even on what. The point is, is that I think I gave myself a concussion! I don't think I've been sick at all! I think I've got head trauma! Oh well, I'll get over it.

My Mom took the kids for us till Sunday afternoon. We have been running around the house naked since last night when Master got home. WOOT! Master rented Mallrats for us to watch but half the damn movie was frozen or fuzzy cuz there was goop and scratches all over the disk. Master got most of the goop off (I don't want to know what it was) but the damage was still so bad that we had to skip about a half hour of it. It was still pretty good tho. After that, we stayed up till 3am or so messing around on our computers and reading. Then I of course had to please Master before we went to sleep!

I got up around 11am today, made coffee and Master let me lie back down for a bit. I had a throbbing headache and was REALLY dizzy this morning. I awoke to him playing with me and came really close to cumming. The next thing I know my face is in the pillows and Master has taken me from behind! Sex when you are half asleep is really intense! I was allowed to cum, it was so intense tho that I don't think I could have helped myself anyway! After he left me breathless and limp on the bed he want and played video games in the living room. When I was able to breath and stand properly I got a blanket and spread it out on the floor so I could lie by his feet.

I finally got my chores done this week, got the boys registered for soccer and decided what kind of cake we are going to have for our wedding. I've got my something new (my dress), something borrowed (a veil from my girlfriend) and have decided that I am going to get a blue garder for my something blue. But seeing how our colors are red and blue I don't think I'll have a problem finding something blue even if I don't get one. So now I just need my something old. I THINK that I am going to use a bracelet that one of my aunts gave me. It's rubies and gold and will go nicely with the dress but I'm not sure if that's really OLD. I've had it for a few years but I think I might go with something from my Grandmothers jewelry that I have stashed away. Maybe. Most of her stuff is kinda gaudy. I love my Grandma but her taste in jewelry wasn't the greatest.

Sometime next week I'm going to go with my soon to be mother in law and look at table toppers. There really isn't much to worry about as far as our wedding goes anymore. Pretty much everything is taken care of. I think we may look for a new wedding band for Master tho. I was digging out Grandma's jewlery a bit ago before we went to the store and I found a brand new black hills gold ring with an amethyst on it. I had forgotten about it. My mother bought it for me years ago with a matching necklace. I never wore it so, I think we may be using that for my wedding band. It's really pretty. As it is right now Master has a band made from an Australian shilling and I have one made from a dime. The only problem is, is that mine has split and needs to be fixed and from the looks of it it's been fixed before. I don't think it'll stay fixed anymore. So, new rings it is. The one I found I think is good for me. It is after all Master's birth stone. Master has said that he wants a Green Lantern ring. He's such a nerd, I love him!

Anyways I think that's all for now. I have to get ready for work tomorrow and get to bed. Maybe I can get Master to play with me a bit before I go to bed for the night!

My baby girl Tabby.....

2008-06-04T00:35:25Z

Now lies in a hole under the tree in the front yard. She has her blankets and her food bowl so that she'll stay warm and never go hungry. We've taken her collar off so that she can run free and play where ever dog's go when they pass.

She was my best friend for the last 10 years. She even hated my ex as much as I do. She loved Master as much as I do. She taught my boy's how to walk and then pushed them down, gently, cuz her puppies weren't supposed to walk on two legs! She never harmed a human but if you fucked with her kids or Mommy she'd eat you for lunch! Master said that he has never seen a dog that could look so comfortable and so pathetic all at the same time. She just wanted to be loved. By everybody.

She hated loud noises. Fireworks, the weed whacker or anything like that was enough to send her cowering to her hidy hole. She wasn't keen on swimming but she loved to chase the waves. She loved it when her boy would take her out so that she could grab him by his pant leg and drag him around the yard. Then she'd pounce on him and give him a good tongue bath. She loved going bye bye's in the back of the truck, just so she could bark at the dogs that we would pass. When she was happy she would rub herself all over the couch and push the cushions on the floor and smile. You knew when Tabby was happy and you couldn't help but smile and be happy yourself when she was.

She started to slow down a few months ago. So, we got a new puppy to make it easier on the boy's when it came time. Then about a month ago, I knew she had cancer. A few days ago, I knew it was almost time. I have been crying for days. The decision to make her sleep was on my shoulders. It was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Yesterday, it was time. She couldn't even make it up the stairs anymore. Master came home and we let the boys have a couple of hours with her before we sent them to the neighbors house. When we went to the vets she confirmed that, yes, she did have cancer. She had a large tumor on her liver and that even if we had brought her in earlier, there was nothing that we could have done for her. I already knew that. She was 10 and probably wouldn't have survived the treatments anyway. I didn't want her to suffer anymore than she already was. I wanted her to live her last days with us as comfortably as we could make her before it was time. Her last meal was peanut butter and cat food. She loved it. Master and I held her as she fell asleep one last time and we cried.

We brought her home wrapped her in her blankets and placed her under the tree in the front yard. My oldest filled her food bowl and put a bone in it for her and we said our goodbyes. The boys placed rocks around her grave and my mother in law brought us a dogwood tree to plant above her so that every time it blooms, we know that Tabby loves us.

The house is too quiet now. The puppy has no one to bark at. There's no rush to get everyone outside and pottied. There's no trying to get the puppy out of Tabby's food bowl when it's time to eat. There's no trying to pry her off of one of our friends that she had designated as her personal playground. She's not here now to protect the house and boy's. No one to keep my feet warm in bed after Master goes to work for the day. No one to let me know that someone is on the porch. No one to greet me as only she could, when I come home from where ever I happen to have gone for the day. I am going to miss her.

We have the puppy, her name is Esry and I still have my Griz Bear but they are not Tabby. She was one of a kind. I have never met another dog like her. Ever. Griz means about as much to me as Tabby does. He protected me from the ex, while Tabby protected the boys on our last day with him. I had to steal them from him when we split. I don't think I have ever seen two dogs as happy to see me as they were that day. Griz tried to comfort me last night but I could tell that he knew what was going on. He lost a friend too. He knew it as soon as he realized that it was safe to go in the kitchen.

See, we had a routine. I would feed Tabby then Master would get Griz from his pen (If we didn't do it that way Tabby would pounce on him as he came thru the door). Then Griz would go and see if she was done eating and if she wasn't he would high tail it out of there and wait. We have to feed him on the other side of the house just so we know that he eats. She was a pig dog and just about as round. I blame my ex for this because he abused them and didn't feed them when the boy's and I left that house. Tabby ate like there was no tomorrow. Even when she got sick and couldn't eat she still guarded her bowl. Griz noticed she wasn't there and I think he was sad too.

Anyways I'm going to stop now cuz I'm going to cry again if I don't.

Life will move on but I will never forget my baby girl Tabby.

ambones2 @ 2008-05-31T21:14:00

2008-06-01T04:33:06Z

I got the material for my dress today. It's going to be red! I'm going to wear a choker instead of my everyday collar. What kind tho is still up in the air. Master and I have to go look for one.

Let's see how many family member's actually have the guts to say something to me about it.

That's all I have to say today. I'm really kinda tired and I think i'm gonna curl up around Master's feet for a bit before bed tonight. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow.

ambones2 @ 2008-05-30T18:45:00

2008-05-31T03:08:18Z

So as most people already know Master and I are getting married in July. We TRIED to keep it small,quiet event. As you can imagine, that didn't happen. We sent out the invites via e-mail late last week and already have 60 people confirmed. 60!!! Holy shit! Most of them are just friends too, I think only 14 of those 60, are family members that are a definite yes. I think we may be looking at over 100 people for our small, quiet wedding.

My Mother didn't help the matter any either. She kept telling everyone she saw, that her daughter is getting married and as I can understand that she's excited, why does she have to invite EVERYBODY!!!! Even my Safeway check out clerk wants to come (tho I did used to take care of his mother where I work)!

Today while my kids were talking to her on my phone in the car my Mom started to tell them that they should bring their shorts and play in the water while we are having our party after the ceremony. She was talking about bringing water balloons and throwing them at us when we say "I do". Now, I don't think she was serious, but she was talking to my children, who of course, got all excited about the concept of nailing mom with water balloons. And I started to get mad. I kept telling the boys that it wasn't going to happen and she kept going! I mean come on! Who wants a bunch of kids running around wet when everyone there is going to be in (semi) nice clothes and me in a gown to boot!

Everyone has their part. Master's parents are buying the food and drinks. My Dad and step Mom are buying my dress. My Mom and step Dad are buying the kids outfits and my shoes, they also bought us a grill for the party. The Best Man is loaning us his property for the day and the Maid of Honor's mother is MAKING my dress. As well as the various other people doing various other things. So everyone knows what they have to do and my Mother keeps calling me and telling me that I should do this or that or the other. Today it was to buy soda. Yes, the store has a good deal on soda right now but I don't have anywhere to keep the fucking soda for a month and a half! It's MY wedding leave me alone! GAH!

Tomorrow we have to go to my MOH's house so her Mom can start taking measurements and stuff so she can start on the dress. While we are there our friend that's going to be doing the ceremony is going to go over whatever we need to with him.

Master just informed me that if the amount of people is going to be too much for the property then they are willing to rent the Eagles hall here in town. As a back up plan that sounds good to me.

Okay, enough of my ranting, I have kids to feed and get settled down for the night. Have a good one!